Day 19: Rescued.

Day 18: I hate my 7 clothes. Hate them.

(I decided not to post that solo. Didn't want to waste your time by making you click on the link, leave your screen, try to figure out how to get back, etc. So, it's piggy-backed.)


Day 19: I feel better today. Permit my explanation:

     There was a time when my self-concept wasn't so pretty. I shopped at consignment stores before Plato's Closet was cool. My hairstyles were about two styles too late. I'm pretty sure I even remember a matching sweatshirt and sweatpants set in my regular rotation. Let's all just cringe together....... When I was a kid, I couldn't have cared less. I was comfortable in my skin. I felt fun and lovely. Spiky ponytail sticking straight out of my head and a little off center? Whatev. I was so...unique. And, that was a good thing.

     And, then, hold your breath...middle school. My family moved across town when I started 7th grade. I changed schools, friends, worlds, really. In a new school, I felt this poison creeping into my heart. Whispers of "People are watching you" and "You don't look like the other girls". It was small, at first. But, as I have been meditating on my craving for beautiful clothes this month, I can pinpoint this moment as the moment where the lies starting sneaking in. I was so imperfect. And, girls were so...unforgiving? It just snow-balled into high school. Soon enough, I'm trading in my sweet and innocent for tight and sexy. (Then, my mom started doing the arm-raise test, the bend-over test, and the fingertip test before I walked out the door. That ended quickly.) I was stuck in this tug-of-war between maintaining the beauty of my character and looking desirable to the world. How many ladies do we lose to this battle? My heart aches to consider it.

     Even as I write this, I kind of feel a little bit of what I felt then. I was a slave, really. To advertising. To the pretty girls. To myself. I hear it said often, I wish I knew then what I know now. How differently I would have done things. Instead, I bought more clothes, flaunted my sexuality, and let people determine my worth. And, in the end, they largely found me as worthless as they saw themselves. What a sick cycle we allow ourselves to be trapped inside.

     And, then came my Rescuer. (I sort of wish blogs had a soundtrack, so that you could hear the crazy loud instrumental breakdown that I just heard in my head. Imagine it and I'll say it again.) And, then came my Rescuer! He reached down into my worthlessness and stripped away all of the mess on His stunning canvas. He started whispering, "I made you, daughter. And, you are good." It was more than I ever dared to hope for. Over the past few years, He has begun the long process of piecing me back together, of re-designing my understanding of worth. And, while before I was trapped inside of my own suffering, He turned my eyes outward onto the same suffering of others.

     Sweet readers, this is for you. You are good. You are wonderfully crafted, a masterpiece uniquely designed by the same God who made sunsets and willow trees and fireflies. It does not matter what people think of your wardrobe, your hair, your chubby, little cheeks. (Oh wait, that's just me!) When I get to the end of my life, I can't imagine that I will ever say, "Gosh, I wish I had bought that emerald green tank at The Gap." What I hope I will say is that I loved the broken-hearted. I fed the hungry. I took care of the orphans. God made me so much more beautifully than any re-design I could give myself. He did you, too. Don't try to re-design something that is already perfect. <3

Day 11: You're Going to Laugh...Smile, at least.

     Good story for you, sweet readers. I got peed on today. Awesome. I was holding a precious 3-year-old...minding my own business...when I felt something warm come across my side. Oh, that feeling when you get peed on...Wait? That doesn't happen to anyone else?! Getting peed on is never a thrilling experience. But, now, 1 shirt (out of 5!) is out of commission for, like, 5 washes, at least. Plus, this shirt may forever be considered the pee shirt. I'm not even going to tell you which one it is. Then, you'll call it the pee shirt when it makes its inevitable return into the rotation. Ah, the glamour of 7...

     Anyhow, glad you enjoyed that. A few folks have asked about the logistics of Month 2. So, that's really my purpose in this post. (And, now that I've motivated you to participation with my opening anecdote, consider how you might make modifications to the challenge in your own 7 adventures!) 

     I will say before I tell you, logistically, how this has all played out, that our over-arching rule this month has been to respect the spirit of the law, but not necessarily the letter of the law. The point, after all, is to understand that our worth is not based on our outer appearance. I do not need a lavish wardrobe to define who I am. My worth comes from the Lord and the value that He places on me. Psalm 139 teaches that God made us and calls us wonderful! Verse 14 of that chapter says, "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." God does not, in fact, look on our Gap Jeans and say, "Those jeans really accentuate your curves. I kinda got the job started, but the jeans, mmmm, they complete you!" No way! God wonderfully made us and loves every inch of His creation. So, Month 2 is about stripping back all the fleeting self-confidence that comes from a well-constructed piece of cloth and filling that emptiness with the worth that comes directly from the Master Creator. So, as we move forward, you will see that the accommodations we've made abide by the Spirit of the law, if not by the letter. 

1. I picked 5 shirts, 1 pair of jeans, and 1 pair of softestpantsever. 
2. I didn't include shoes in the 7 items, but I wear 1 pair of black flip flops, mostly. I'm just trying to be a minimalist here.
3. I break 7 to go to the gym. I have 2 gym tanks and 2 gym capris. My co-workers appreciate the lack of crossover in this area.
4. I do wear my 7 clothes to work. I cleared this with my sweet boss ahead of time so that she didn't feel compelled to offer me a raise when I wore the same clothes over and over and over and over.
5. I'm breaking 7 on one day during the month. Mike and I are accompanying Matt and Holly, our darling Mr. and Mrs.-to-Bes, on a taste test for their rehearsal dinner. They may never forgive us for looking like bums on such an occasion... Although we hate to break 7, I can't say the reprieve will be altogether unwelcome. 
6. I wear pajamas. 
7. I'm okay with jewelry, I think. I wear my wedding band and engagement ring. I wear some simple pearl earrings. And, occasionally, I sneak in a pair of the cutest, big, round, flowery, black-and-white, hang-down earrings ever. I'm trying. I'm not a saint. :)
8. Aside from The Day of the Breaking of 7 and the hour of gym time everyday (ahem, I mean, two days a week...), I wear these clothes. I'm talking church, work, meetings, dinners...everywhere. 

     I think that about covers it. If you have other questions, feel free to post them here or on Facebook. I'm glad to answer. I love that so many of you are jumping on board and I'm happy to share the logistics as you start your own journey. 

    One closing tale. Enjoy this conversation with my Brother Bear from yesterday:

Travis: How long is this 7 clothes thing going on?

Me: Until the end of the Month. 

Travis: Oh. Well, I feel like you wear that shirt all the time.

Me: I've worn it twice. 

Travis: Oh. 

Day 10: Mike Speaks.

     Someone recently asked for a my perspective on the entire 7 adventure that has overtaken my wife and family. So in return, I will do my best to communicate how my wife is throwing out all of our stuff, I mean, communicate how the journey is going.

     My first goal in writing will be to motivate you to consider taking up 7, or something like it, in your own household. I encourage you to do it as a family. Bring discussions that are of value to your home and dining room table. Men, lead your family spiritually as well as financially and physically. Allow Jesus in the front door so that He is the person who owns your home, your vehicle, your possessions, and (dare I say) your children. As I am learning, show your children how to live a close relationship to our Creator.

Consider John 14:15

                        “If you love me, obey my commandments.”

     So simple, right? This is a verse that has tormented me over the last year. If that one verse alone doesn’t scare you, then I will write nothing else of value for you. That verse should change your faith. You could say that, if we obey his commands, then our actions will show God that we love him. He will know our love by our heart and we will show the world through our actions. Conversely, if we do not obey His commands, we do not love Him. The problem is God can tell (or command) us to do some crazy things. He told people to sell all of their possessions and follow Him. Our response to such commands should be a resounding “yes”. And, even the “yes” should be genuine and heartfelt.

Can you say - loss of control! Saying and doing are totally different.

Luke 6:45 states

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

It always has to be a heart issue.

    

     I can tell you honestly that I want to follow Jesus. However, with the help of 7, I know that my heart still has a grip on the world. My first reaction to Melissa’s idea to follow this book was to view it more as a nuisance. I’m comfortable the way things are. Why? Maybe Satan would rather I not take stock of my life. He would rather me think that my excessive clothes didn’t mean anything to the teenager that gets made fun of for wearing the same shirt every other day. That my extra guitar is better served in my basement than in someone’s hands that could inspire people to worship through music.

     My prayer is that through these writings, Melissa and I will help you to reevaluate your own lives and, most of all, your hearts. In many ways, this journey has been fun for us. Other times it has been difficult. Hopefully this verse from an old hymn will help you like it helped me.  It has become my new prayer when I get tired of putting on the same shirt and pair of socks. (Relax, I’m only kidding about the socks. I wore sandals today.)

How deep the Father’s love for us,

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give his only Son

To make a wretch his treasure

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Day 6: Lights, Camera...Turn.

     First off, I just want to take a few lines to acknowledge the sacredness of this day, Good Friday, that marks the death of our Lord. Jesus, may I always remember your sacrifice and continue to feel the gravity of your pain and excruciating suffering in my place. You save me every day.

                                                              _________________

     I have a starring role in an orchestral-ish presentation of the Easter story this weekend. Okay, so maybe it's not exactly a starring role...okay, really, it's not even important enough to make the cast picture. (Although there have been jokes about my inclusion in said picture.) I'm the page turner. Literally. That's all I do. Turn pages so that my Dad, the guitarist, can play fluidly. Those of you who know my music history can imagine my lingering issues with my role in this story. Anyhow, what does this have to do with 7?!
     As I sat in the orchestra pit last night during dress rehearsal, (yes, I had to practice page turning) I experienced something that was 7 blog-worthy. This particular Easter account is told from the perspective of the Sanhedrin Council, and we see, through the eyes of Joseph of Arimethea, how the council begins to form a plan to crush the Jesus movement that was sweeping their nation. We watch Jesus fully overturn the traditions of these religious leaders. We see Him begin a movement from the bottom. He did not seek to be-friend those who were considered high in their culture. Instead, he stood beside the lowest of the low and won their affection with His kindness. In Jesus, those who were hurting found hope. This was so counter-culture. The religious leaders were furious. As I watched the Council form their plan to kill Jesus, I literally fought the urge to get out of my chair and to tell them, "Stop! This is Jesus! He just loves people! That's it." I wanted to come to His rescue. (How ironic, because He was coming to mine.) Instead, I sat sick in my chair knowing that my voice would probably have been heard in agreement with the Council not long ago. Jesus was revolutionary! He told rich people to sell everything they owned and follow Him. He told His disciples to leave everything they worked for and follow Him. That freaks me out.
     This has been nearly impossible for me to work through. I've held onto my lifestyle for so long, sincerely believing that Jesus can't possibly expect me to give it all up...and, if He does, hoping that He'll show mercy on me and understand my place in this culture. But, Jesus calls us to follow Him, and we just can't bring our stuff on the journey. It couldn't be any more clear. Let it sink in. We have to choose...Jesus or Riches. Sometimes, I'd rather try to fit through the eye of a needle.
     Certainly, I'm aware of the fact that Jesus, on stage, was really Mr. Cox with a flowing wig and fake blood. But, last night, as I sat with tears running down my cheeks (when I was actually supposed to be turning pages), I watched my Jesus die in my place...because "following Him" looks much differently on my terms than it does on Jesus' terms. I feel this overhaul in my heart...like, the down deep feeling that something's brewing, that something's happening in my soul. It's like, I'm either going to make changes or live in regret for not doing so? I feel like if I walk away from this, I'll personally break the heart of my Lord. I don't know how to eloquently show you what's happening right now, but I promised you candidness on my 7 journey. So, there it is. Funny what a little page turning'll do for ya.

Month 2: Please Don't Shrink. Please Don't Shrink. Please Don't Shrink.

     And, so the journey continues. For those of you just tuning in, Mike and I are doing 7: An experimental mutiny against excess. Basically, we're just kinda railing against this crazy lavish lifestyle we've bought into lately.  We're taking 7 areas captive and doing a kind of fast in those areas. What we empty, we want to fill with Jesus. During Month 1, we chose 7 items a day to give away to those who need them. (Currently, my guest room looks more like a Goodwill than a bedroom.) Read up on my Month 1 posts to get all the juicy details. Now, on to Month 2!

     Month 2 Challenge:
          1. Choose 7 pieces of clothing to wear all month.
          2. Put a lock on my closet and pray my dryer doesn't shrink all 7 options.
  
     My 7 items of clothing include:
          1. Black WorldVision T-shirt
          2. Purple To Write Love On Her Arms T-shirt
          3. Gray Liberty University T-Shirt (Are you catching the comfort theme, yet?)
          4. Navy Blue Lakeside Staff T-Shirt (Thanks, Lori. I always wanted to
              wear my Staff shirt in public.)
          5. White Proud Wife Baseball Shirt
          6. Gap Darkwash Jeans
          7. Softest Pants Ever. They're gray. And, capris, actually.

     I'm already starting to question my ability to fast from my wardrobe. We started Month 2 on, what, Sunday? So, on Monday, we took Malachi to the mall for Bunny pictures. I literally had to look away from the window displays. I stood at the entrance of Old Navy and felt tears stinging in my eyes. I was like Screech Powers in that "Saved by the Bell" scene. I held his arm in front of me and yelled, "Hold me back, Mike. Hold me back!" (I have a flair for the dramatic.) But, alas, I rejected the urge to add to my 7-piece wardrobe, looked down at my purple t-shirt, and remembered those who don't have the luxury of options.

     So, as Month 2 begins, I brace myself for a month of frequent laundry-doing, funny looks from those who see me often, NOT trying on 18 outfits before choosing one each morning, and learning that my life is still of infinite worth and value even when my clothing is not.

Day 31: The End...of Month 1

     I typically blog with a certain lightness of heart. I'm not particularly interested in manipulating my readers' emotions, but where God takes me, I want to share this month. Because of the 7-ish theme that's running through my life, I feel like I've been looking at everything through this lens. As it happens during most tragedies, I took stock of my life this week because I had the misfortune of rubbing shoulders with sorrow. On Monday, I found out that the Daddy of one of my 4-year-old students lost his life in a work accident. I laid beside this little girl at naptime, rubbing her hair, and knowing that I was participating in a few of the last minutes of normalcy and happiness that she would experience for a while.

     I guess, as I close out this month of emphasis on possessions, I reference this story because my student's life didn't turn upside down over the loss of her summer dresses. She didn't cry herself to sleep over a cute little purse. This little girl is not mourning the loss of her favorite doll. She lost her Daddy. She cries over losing her Daddy. She mourns her Daddy. In the end, when life is really broken down to the very basics, our stuff carries no weight. And, at the end of our lives, our stuff will all disappear. If I spend my life working to make money to buy more stuff, I missed the point completely. I can say that I love God and that I love people, but where I spend my time and money speaks much more loudly than words. May I never be found in a mall when there is Kingdom work to be done. And, as I round out this Month with such a sigh, I find myself whispering, "Come, Lord Jesus, Come." May he redeem our selfish, consumeristic world with humility and selflessness.